There isn’t the same weight of generations of trans gay parents with a mix of adoptive and biological kids doing things the same way for centuries, because our family formations haven’t existed on the same scale for that long. Reese hates grocery shopping, so that’s Chaplow’s job. In his household, Chaplow absolutely despises laundry, so that task falls to Reese based on their agreement of dividing up the work of the household. Reese believes queer parenting is more equitable because instead of assigning tasks based on gender expectations, the division of labour falls to the best individual fit. Following a queer parenting model, Reese argues, cis straight men can and should be doing these things too, without excuses. When parents are liberated to throw out oppressive gender roles, it becomes clear that there is nothing about someone’s sex or gender or sexuality that makes them more or less capable of doing the work of parenting-whether it’s emotional labour or doing the laundry. “Maybe the reason why so many straight men were terrified of our story is because we prove that society may not actually need straight men at all,” Reese jokes. Reese knows that straight cis moms have a tough time admitting when things aren’t okay and when they need a hand or a break, but they haven’t been socialized to feel comfortable saying it out loud or asking for help. “For so long, we were all we had,” Reese says, noting that mutual aid is something queer people are generally more comfortable with than straight people. For one, he coaches the straight cis moms in his due date group on how to ask for help, how to be honest about their feelings and how to accept help when it’s offered-all of which Reese feels is part of queer culture. Reese has embraced his role in evangelizing the benefits of queer parenting to all. That’s what his book aims to explore: what it means to parent when you get to write your own playbook. “What’s been most interesting as we’ve told our story in myriad ways over the years is how many straight people have been interested in and attracted to and curious about the way that we approach parenting as people who didn’t really inherit a set model for how to do it,” Reese says. “Straight people have been interested in how we approach parenting as people who didn’t inherit a model for how to do it.” After spending two and a half years as the director of family formation at LGBTQ2S+ family non-profit Family Equality, he took a leap of faith and quit his day job mid-pandemic to work full-time on his own consulting company, Collaborate Consulting. He is the founder of Trans Fertility Co., a resource hub for trans pregnancy, and is featured in the new PBS NOVA short film Fighting for Fertility. Though he’s not a medical professional, Reese has also become one of the most prominent names among trans pregnancy experts. But he and his spouse, Biff Chaplow, still say it’s worth it to share their lives with their five-figure social media following who enjoy peeking into the lives of the couple as they raise their three kids aged 13, 10 and three. The rise in celebrity status was far from glamorous-the transphobic comments hurled at him daily took a toll, and he no longer reads any social media comments or DMs to protect himself. After the 38-year-old’s pregnancy as a trans man made headlines everywhere from CNN to People in 2017, Reese took the newfound fame and translated it into a brand of trans visibility. The release of How We Do Family is just the latest in Reese’s foray into the public eye.
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